CONTROL Vs. INDEPENDENCE

This past Winter Break we decided to stay home for the holidays. So I spent my whole days with all three of my kids, literally 24/7. And even though this was not an easy job, I enjoyed it to the fullest, as I got to bond with my kids, and that for me is priceless.

Control is one of the things that I have the most trouble letting go, and it has always been one of the things in which I have had to work on most of my life. My kids have been great at teaching me about letting go of control, even before I got pregnant. My infertility years taught me that most of the time I have no control on what goes on in my life and that giving up control actually makes me feel good.

What I noticed most in these two weeks of Winter Break was that my 4 year old twins are really growing up to be very independent, and I came to realize that sometimes I have to decide wether to let them be independent or to have full control. For example, the way they dress, I can either let them choose what they want, they’ll probably look a little bit ridiculous, or I can choose their clothing so they can look perfect.

Last week Moises came to my room and told me that he was ready, that he had combed and styled his hair all alone. As I looked at him I could not stop thinking how funny he looked, his hair was a complete mess, but he was so proud of what he had accomplished on his own that I couldn’t stop thinking what was the right thing to do.

A. Take control and tell him that his hair was not that well combed and that I had to fix it, or...

B. Lose control and let him go out with his crazy hair, but proud of himself.

I chose option B, and couldn’t stop thinking about how we, as parents, have to make sure that we let them grow up to be independent humans, even if we don’t agree with their thinking. In my opinion it’s the only way to make them fully confidence in themselves and their decision making.